Jokes for computer science teachers and geeks alike

Some are original, others, less so...enjoy :-)

STUDENT: It's hot in here. Can I open a window?
TEACHER: Sure, just double click on an icon.

STUDENT: It's hot in here. Can we turn on the air conditioning?
TEACHER: No, because we've got Windows open.

STUDENT: My computer has frozen.
TEACHER: It's not that cold in here, is it?

STUDENT: It's a bit smelly in here.
TEACHER: Yes, it must be the whiffy (Wi-fi) network.

STUDENT: My computer has frozen.
TEACHER: Maybe its got cold because someone left Windows open.

STUDENT: My computer has crashed.
TEACHER: It must have had a bad driver.

Did you know...? Spiders love web sites.

Did you know...? Successful fishermen use The Net.

What is a sheep's favourite web site?
- Ewe-Tube

Hmm, this computer doesn't look well at all. Maybe it has a virus...

Doctor Doctor, I think I'm addicted to Angry Birds.
- Ah yes, I've got a tablet for that.

My computer sings.
It's A-Dell

Why did the birthday boy download lots of programs for his mobile?
- Because he wanted to have a very 'appy birthday.

Why did Santa download lots of programs for his mobile?
- Because he wanted to have a very 'appy Christmas.

Why did the PowerPoint presenter cross the road from one park to another?
- To get to the other slide.

I upgraded my TV from standard definition to high definition. It's my New Year's resolution.

A man chucked his PC out of his top floor apartment.
- It crashed.

Where does Tarzan buy his computers from?
- Amazon, of course.

What do prisoners do when they use a computer?
Look for the escape key.

Do you know what computers like to surf on?
They surf on key-boards.

My computer got upset when I left the caps lock key on by mistake.
It's case sensitive.

Tell a student the answer and they'll ask you more questions. Teach them how to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

TEACHER: Did you find Internet research helpful for your essay assignment?
STUDENT: Yes, I've found seven people that sell them.

Two fonts walk into a bar. Times New Roman and Comic Sans.
- The bar tender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type."

What's a good chat up line for font lovers?
Hey, I love your type.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
- None. It's a hardware problem.

A programmer gets stopped at an airport and is asked, "Do you have anything to declare?"
He answers, yes, three variables and a constant.

Did you know...? A Dutch person has invented shoes that tell you how far you've walked.
- Clever clogs.

How do French people reply when they're asked if they know what the best games console is?
"Wii"

Why didn't the integer and string fall in love? It was a type miss-match.

Every time a programmer went to use a treadmill, it stopped working. He suspected a run-time error.

Why do forgetful programmers write their ideas down on ten-pound notes?
Because it's their cache memory.

Why was the RAM easily angered? Because it was volatile.

What happens to misbehaving ROM chips?
They get sent to boot camp.

A programmer is asked to go to the shops and buy 6 apples, and if they have any pears, to buy 12. He comes home with 12 apples.

The American programmer quit his job after a year. He didn't get arrays. (Think about it...).

(The classic): There are 10 types of people in the world...
...those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Smartphones can be expensive. I just plugged one in and it said it was charging.

A student had a PAYG smartphone and asked for help to check his balance. So I pushed him over.

What do computers do just before going to bed?
Spread sheets.

Why was the computer scary?
Because it had a terrorbyte.

Learning Computer Science is great! Students learn bit by bit....and the revision is all byte-sized.

What did the teacher say when his class finally understood Python Lists?
Hip Hip 'Array!

Be nice to the 'geeks' in school.
- You might end up working for them.

Two bytes meet up in a bar. One asks, "How are you today?". The other replies, "I'm feeling a bit off today."

How does a computer scientist measure your wealth?
By seeing how much cache you have.

What's the object-oriented way to become wealthy?
Inheritance.

What did the computer say when it saw Miss T?
I C T

Be careful about securing your passwords when your friend says he likes phishing.

I changed my password to 'incorrect'. So whenever I forget what it is the computer says "Your password is incorrect". (Not advisable!).

Why were the computer instructions afraid for their lives? Because the processor was good at executing.

A SQL statement walks into a classroom and approaches two tables.
- It says, "May I JOIN you?"

A researcher took his Blackberry to the North Pole.
It froze.

Did you hear about the crazy IT technician who set alight to the side of a house?
He liked a good firewall.

Did you hear what the crazy IT technician said when he reversed into a lamppost?
"I was only backing-up."

F5. That's soooo refreshing.

Why didn't the class laugh at the computer teacher's jokes?
Because they were of variable quality.

Why do Java programmers tend to wear glasses?
Because they can't C#.

A logician enters the classroom and announces, "My wife's just had a baby!"
A student asks, "Is it a boy or a girl?"
He answers, "Yes!".

A feathered bird squawked 'Pieces of seven! Pieces of seven'.
It was a parroty error.

Why did the network manager want to make changes to a network?.
Because the manager wanted a switch.

How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Yes.

STUDENT 1: I think our head teachers must be good at LMC.
STUDENT 2: Why is that?
STUDENT 1: Because they're good at assembly language.

Who has the network address FF:FF:FF:FF:FF:FF?
McDonald's of course....because it's a big MAC.

I'm pretty sure that computer memory is feminine - do you know why this is?
Because it has lots of ad-dresses.

Why did the functions stop calling each other?
Because they had constant arguments.

Why did the computer teacher have problems with a class?
Because the wrong methods were being used.

I swapped the 'IF' programming construct in a friend's code, but my friend didn't like the SWITCH.

What do you call it when a programmer looks for a bug in a 'switch' programming construct?
A CASE study.